10 Tips on How to Get Focused When Multi-Tasking

Getting things done has been a big issue for me this week, both at work and at home. With the e.MILE Community growing by the day, my daughter putting the final touches to her  wedding next week, and my son starting 6^th form, there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. There is a lot of advice out there about helping busy people make the most of their time and how to get focused, and I’m not very good at taking it. That said, when things get too much, I am able to step up a gear and I can remember times in my life, when I have managed through with some of the following tips.

I don’t know about you but I do struggle at times to feel in control when my “to-do-list” is over the page. To keep me sane, I’ve developed an almost a comic strip routine, a little like starting a new healthy eating regime, it only lasts a few days and then old habits usually take over. The routine goes like this: I draw up a new to-do-list; I prioritise it, and start working through it. What usually happens is an emergency occurs, or something unexpected becomes the priority of the day, and my carefully planned prioritisation goes out of the window. I spend a day or two trying to get through some bulk volume work, spend unplanned evenings catching up and then the whole cycle starts again.

My 16 year old son has just started into 6^th form, for a lad who simply hates homework, at least 16 hours of it each week is a big stretch; it’s a whole new paradigm shift for him, one which already into the 2^nd week has become a source of stress. Of course he has to build habits which are going to help him to avoid being stressed. As I was giving him some advice about how to focus, I realised it was about time to take my own advice. So here I am writing this blog (on time) because yesterday, I began the process of practicing what I preached. I have heard many times that you learn best what you teach, so I thought in that spirit, I would share my advice with you! If you are ultra-organised and can add to the list, please do share!  Any advice will help me I’m sure.

Ten ways to get focused :

1. Turn off the technology

With an array of teenage social media such as Snap chat, Instagram, Face book and IM, my son’s phone pretty much pings constantly. For me, my guilty time waster is to open emails when they ping into my inbox on my desk or laptop. This idea is as old as the first installed workplace computer, we all know we have to do it, but it takes some discipline and determination to ignore our ever increasing online communications.

2. Do one thing at a time

I know, I know it’s not rocket science, but I do flit about from project to project at times. My son started some Psychology homework, got stuck and instead of getting over the “difficult hurdle” he put it down and started something else. Doing one thing at a time means doing it from start to finish, without being distracted with something else. To actually do this takes determination and concentration, but it is well worth it as even difficult tasks get ticked off.

3. Diarise non urgent tasks a month ahead

If you have a million things to do and half of them are routine and definitely not going to be urgent in the next week or so, then diarise them a month in the future. I know it doesn’t get them off your list, but it gets them off your list for now. For me, it is like a breath of fresh air to know I don’t have to give those routine items a priority, and if I do happen to get up to date, I can always reach forward and get those things done and feel even more virtuous!

4. Chunk down daunting tasks

My son had his first 1000 word essay to do; he was daunted to say the least (while I tactfully kept quiet about the 10k and 20k feats which might come if he goes onto higher education). If you are daunted by the size of the task, then chunk it down into manageable tasks. Put each smaller task into a series of priorities and complete each one in order. It is easier to concentrate on a task if you know it’s only going to take an hour or so, than when you know it’s going to take a couple of days.

5. Have a purpose

When I have a mundane, but a priority task to do, I need a good purpose. So for example, when I got my tax return done earlier this month, I had to remind myself that if I got it done, not only would it not be hovering over me, like the ghost of Christmas Past, but I would be able to completely get focused on tasks I really love and enjoy. My son had to remind himself that he wanted to spend some of his weekend playing football and going out with friends, and not have to do homework instead. Having big picture purposes can help too, although tend not to be so effective, as small ones. At the moment, my son has a vision for his future, so he needs to remind himself that by focusing now, it will help him achieve his goals.

6. Don’t do it

Ok, this tip isn’t about focus, but getting rid of unnecessary or habitual tasks helps to get you focused on the important and necessary tasks. If you can’t find a good reason to do it, other than, you always do, or its part of your routine, or you’re scared to let it go, then stop.

7. Be in the right environment

We are lucky because we have a spare bedroom which my son is now using as his study. It means he can shut the door and escape from the hub-bub of the rest of the house. If you are in a busy office and can’t concentrate for interruptions and activity around you, then go somewhere else. I managed a busy office with over 80 employees on site, and as my door was wide open, I had a constant queue of people coming to see me. During one particular crisis we encountered, I was struggling to pull together an urgent report, when one of my dear team members, marched over, popped her head round the down and said, “excuse me, but this is for your own good”, and she shut the door and taped a “Do not disturb” sign on my door. Yes I should have done it myself of course, but being in reactive mode can sometimes be a lifelong habit.

8. Take a break

If you get to a point where you are finding it hard going, take a break. Taking a break does not mean checking your phone or emails, it is about going to get a coffee, getting some fresh air or even practicing a five minute mediation. It is about quieting your mind, not populating it with fresh information.

9. Establish a routine.

If you are a morning person then getting through your priority tasks should be done as soon as you get to your desk, or as soon as you can. You know what times of the day you are most productive, don’t waste those times on routine non urgent tasks, reserve them for the things you really need to do to make a difference. Once you’ve established your time zone, then stick to it and make it a habit as prevalent as brushing your teeth.

10. Borrow tips

My tenth tip is borrowed from a great mentor of mine, the eminently successful Peter Thomson, who is the UK’s most prolific Information Product Creator. So sorry, I don’t want to steal Peter’s thunder, so you will have to wait for this one, as I have interviewed Peter for the next issue of our monthly E-Zine “The Extra MILE” where he tells readers all about his work and in amongst his great advice he also shares his brilliantly simple tip to help people get things done, which is brilliantly effective! Do visit our website, and sign up for the E-zine to be sent directly to your inbox so you don’t miss out on Peter’s sage advice.

Get our great new flipbook “30 Days To A More Motivated Team” when you sign up to receive regular updates from the e.MILE Community. Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great e.MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage). We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need.

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.

People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”

By Christina Lattimer

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How We Unconsciously Avoid Success

This week’s blog continues on the theme of sabotage I started a couple of weeks ago. What follows is a summary of how we can inadvertently stop love, happiness and success coming to us as a matter of course. Although it’s a difficult subject, the good news is once we accept that we have a dark side, we then can shine that much needed light on it and resolve it!

I’ve often wondered why people don’t as a rule live up to their potential:

People with fabulous skills who for many reasons don’t feel the need to use them. A great friend of mine has the interior designer skill of Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. She tirelessly attacks her house like painting the Forth Bridge, where she just finishes designing and changing her final room, then starts again. Her imagination, flair and precision to detail and colour are amazing. She makes her living from a completely different profession, one which she contributes greatly, but is hard work and low paid. A few years ago I asked her why she didn’t take her outstanding design skills to the next level, get paid for it, and become a success. I realised there was a lot at stake when she gave me about 15 resounding reasons why not.

I wasn’t surprised, and I know enough never to judge another person’s destiny or life, but I’ve seen it again and again, when hidden talents are just that: hidden away and not acted upon.

When researching for my degree dissertation, one of the questions I asked about 100 people was: “If you had all the money you wanted and there were no obstacles, would you be doing what you do now?” I can’t remember the exact figures, but it was in the 80%+ bracket of those interviewed who said “no. They wouldn’t”. When I asked them what they would do instead, some had startling clear ideas, some had a bit of an idea and others didn’t know, what they were sure of though was it wasn’t what they did right now.

It’s not just about making use of our talent and skills, many of us (me included) procrastinate, and talk about the fact that “we should get more sleep” or “we should lose those extra pounds” or “we need to stop working so hard, spend time with the family, take that holiday we’ve always dreamed about. I imagine you can add to the list.

I’m listening to the audio version of “The Shadow Effect” (2009) a co-authored book by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson. The three authors describe their unique perspectives of how our unconscious or our shadow affects us all. For those on a spiritual path, the book is a must, for those of you who aren’t  there is still many great psychological principles which are useful to understand if you want to really be your true self.

In the book, Debbie Ford describes how our shadow dictates our behaviour at times and how we need to look within to harness and direct what can be an unconscious destructive power. The problem of course, is, if we are being driven by an unconscious force, then we don’t know about it and are in denial! Our shadow is made up of all the characteristics, feelings, memories and traits we want to bury away and forget. The problem is, when such episodes are repressed then, they don’t go away and resurface in a number of destructive ways.

I have done enough reflection and work on myself to have experienced the sweet release when you face up to a painful or shameful memory, and come to terms with it, and so recognise the healing power of looking at our shadow, although it doesn’t make it any easier, and there is always something to look at! It is very much a lifelong journey.

In the workplace, again and again, I’ve seen characters who had potential to be a success, who at the last minute would do something to jeopardise their progress. I saw people yearning for a different lifestyle, not extraordinary outrageous changes, just simple ones, but forever keeping it out of their reach. There are many ways we sabotage our success, but for me these are the 3 most prevalent.

1.    Repressing painful memories, which make us fearful to move forward, or keep us locked in unsatisfying and dead-end relationships.

Not facing up to our inner pain seems like a good strategy. Who wants to feel pain? Of course we don’t. Allowing ourselves to work through pain heals and releases us from unnecessary suffering. The main reason we hold onto unnecessary pain, is that we have interpreted the pain we are feeling to mean something about us. “He left because I wasn’t good enough”, or,” he lost his job because he is just one of life’s losers” We bury the pain, because we cannot bear to face the incorrect interpretation we have arrived at.

2.    Allowing fear to prevent us from taking our talents to where they can benefit and help others.

Many of us live in our comfort zone and facing fears is part of growing and living. When I asked my friend why she didn’t want to take her interior design skills and get paid for her obvious talent, one of the many reasons she stated, was: “Who would want someone of my age to design their houses?” (She was in her mid-40’s at the time). What this response and many others amount to, one of our many human foibles is that many of us just don’t feel good enough. The truth is of course, that we are all good enough, and we don’t have to be perfect.

3.    Claiming inappropriate guilt when we have honored ourselves.

My friends got together many years ago, leaving their respective spouses. They had kids, and it was a terrible guilt-gut wrenching time for all involved. A couple of years ago, my friends realised that guilt was still dictating their lives, when their children were all stretching them to the limit and causing havoc. Although they didn’t realise it, they were not drawing appropriate boundaries and limits because they felt guilty. One of the ex-spouses had never married again, proclaiming that their life had been ruined. This spectre of blame and guilt over- shadowed the lives of the long married pair. When removing oneself from a poor relationship, it is a way of honoring oneself. That is not to say there should not be respect, kindness and consideration for the other partner who may not want the split; certainly if you want to move on from a relationship, you have to take responsibility. But how long should you wear that hair shirt? Of course, it benefits no-one and especially those children, who needed to understand that sometimes, life’s like that. Once they realised their guilt was governing their lives, they made some big changes, and months later, much happier children, and a much happier family life was achieved.

At work too, the collective shadow can come into play, keeping great potential cloaked in an unhappy comfort zone, creating conflict and affecting the success of the team. Organisations carry their own stories of guilt, repression of feelings and fear. That’s why story-telling and re-framing the past as well as stories about the vision for the future is so important for businesses.

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.

People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”

By Christina Lattimer

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Three Paradigms Which Can Sabotage Your Engagement Strategy

Let’s face it, organisations have to be outward facing, it’s no good naval-gazing constantly, because that will get them nowhere. Sometimes though concentrating on external goals, relationships and service can create a blind-spot for leaders which means they miss some of the most important dynamics in their own organisation. Today, I set out three dynamics which leaders must pay attention to if they want to truly create an excellent organisation. 

An ability to create an environment where employees are engaged and encouraged to bring out their self-motivation are “must have” leadership skills. I have worked with many leaders who have made great efforts to put in place a culture which gets the best out of people and gets them involved and committed. But sometimes their efforts simply weren’t, frustratingly, enough. Indeed many organisations invest much time and resource into getting it right, but even though they are well-intentioned, sometimes, often, their initiative is simply doomed; if not to fail, then at best, the outcomes simply don’t live up to expectations.

In my experience, there were times, even when the company was doing well, a constant thread of discontent existed amongst the team or even across the whole organisation. For a long time I put this down to human nature. There are positive people and negative people and you can’t get it right 100%: right?

I even found times when team and organisational results were high, and leaders were celebrating their successes; employee engagement indicators showed there wasn’t a corresponding “high” in the way employees were buying in or not to the success of the business. In one scenario, one organisation won accolades for leadership excellence when the engagement index for staff was actually sweeping the bottom of the industry league tables. Obviously the criteria for leadership excellence were missing some vital ingredients in engaging and enthusing their people.

For me, I have found, there are three common problems which if not tackled and given focus and attention will leave the best intentioned leaders and managers left scratching their heads in their efforts to create a great working environment. At first glance, most leaders and managers would probably deny these problems are alive and well in their workplace, but often denial can stem from the lack of perspective, given their proximity to the problem.

The three problems, I believe if not tackled will sabotage attempts to engage and motivate people are:

Lack of Drive to Excel

This syndrome often occurs when organisations are getting reasonable results. It’s a little like living with an old and trusted cooker. As long as it’s working and cooking tasty meals, then there’s no need to change. Once it’s broken though, then you will start looking around to see what’s out there, and slam, the realisation that your oven was “in the dark ages” compared to the brilliant new technology available and how much time can be saved with technological advances, comes into your awareness.

Many organisations are still “cooking on gas”, in their minds, but they haven’t caught on to the many brilliant possibilities that exist, if they decided to raise their game, and invest in something new.  In a nutshell, the organisational culture is resistant to operating outside of the established comfort zone, which would have been forced had results been poor or disappointing. Results which were “good enough” didn’t leverage sufficient motivation to change and achieve even better results.

Believing in Average Ability of their Employees

Some 5 years ago, I applied to win a place in a local Academy for my son. In those days Academies in the UK were few and far between. This particular school was amazing. At that time, results showed it was in the top ten schools in England. The school didn’t have formal feeder schools, so each one of its 190 odd intake of pupils was by application. They were and continue to be 2 – 1 oversubscribed.

In my ignorance, I expected the school to favour “bright” children, given its amazing results. What I found, still makes me wonder. The school intake policy includes an obligation to take in pupils from the whole spectrum of “ability” from children who had “special needs” to those who were nearing genius status. The bulk and the majority of children had to be sourced from average to below average results. It worked out at about 70% of the pupils were average achievers when they arrived at the school.

When the head was asked about how they managed to get such amazing results given the mix of abilities, he told the silent parents that unlike other schools, they truly believed that everyone was capable of excelling and so from that belief they got the best out of the vast majority of their pupils.

What I have seen in many organisations is a similar syndrome to that which most schools suffer, unlike the Academy. The general belief in the average ability of a large percentage of their employees which resulted in a self-fulfilling prophesy, i.e. they produced average results in the main.

Lack of Internal Customer Service

I have seen many organisations have great outcome related external customer service policies, and strategies. They have plans to engage people with the organisational “big picture”, “mission” and they hold focus groups and ask people constantly how they can make things better, but they continue to ignore the internal relationships between peers, teams and departments.

Insufficient attention is paid to internal relationships, contribution ethos, innovation, values and helpfulness within an organisation. This is all about internal customer service. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with friendly rivalry between teams if their starting line is that they always act “for the greater good of the organisation”. It doesn’t matter how much effort is put into engaging, planning and rewarding people, if the relationships aren’t designed to “serve” each other as internal customers, excellence is never going to be achieved.

Including some well needed perspective to lift your team out of their comfort zone, help foster self-belief in your people and get your internal customer service to work brilliantly must be part of your plan if you want to be brilliantly successful.

Get our great new flipbook “30 Days To A More Motivated Team” when you sign up to receive regular updates from the e.MILE Community. Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great e.MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage).   We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need.

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles. People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way” By Christina Lattimer Follow us on  Google+

How Leaders Can Redeem Mistakes With Integrity

It’s very easy to sit on the side lines and judge someone when they’ve either intentionally or unintentionally made an error of judgement  We all make mistakes at times. Leaders are no different, they are only human. Like great service providers, leaders can make good a mistake, it is about how they go about it, which will either reinforce or destroy the trust of their team or followers. 

Ethics, morality and values based leadership are high on any thought leaders agenda right now. Realisation that no longer materialism, self-gain and profit above ethics is tenable, means leaders now have to be really clear their organisational and personal values, not only have to match, but must be demonstrated on a day-to day basis. 

The public outcry in response to the face book status, made by Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In Editor, Jessica Bennett, is a stark demonstration of how questionable values can destroy trust. 
For readers who have not yet followed this undoubtedly viral story, Jessica Bennett’s status invited applications for an “unpaid intern” with a description of the desired skill set and expectations in terms of the intern’s availability. 

The response was immediate, with the majority of responders expressing “disgust” at the decision to attempt to get unpaid help, while Lean In’s purpose to promote and foster equality in the workplace, appears to be compromised. To make matters worse, it seems, Sheryl Sandberg’s widely reported sale of $91 Million Worth Of Facebook Stock” would suggest the founder of the organisation is not short of a bob or two. 

Some brave responders disagreed and suggested the opportunity to gain the experience Lean In could offer would so benefit the intern that to work for free was a “gift”. 

At the time of writing Sheryl Sandberg had yet to respond, while the Los Angeles Times, published a a short statement from Lean In. “Andrea Saul, a spokeswoman for Lean In, said in a statement: "LeanIn.Org, like many non-profits, has enjoyed the participation of part-time volunteers to help us advance our education and peer support programs."

Whatever the intention behind the Facebook status, the announcement has not only caused readers to question Lean In’s organisational values, but also demonstrates how different perspectives and views take on a life of their own and can call into question the values of the leader. 

The problem with values at work is that actions always speak louder than words. Leaders who say one thing while doing another are simply creating an environment of distrust and division. Care needs to be taken that all actions are aligned to fundamental values. This is true not only when public announcements take place, but when internal are decisions being taken. Every action is conveyed out, and note will be taken, whether the leader likes it or not. 

For Lean In, there may be a number of valid explanations for calling to recruit unpaid people to work for the organisation, but the lack of clarification or communication is allowing people to simply make up their own minds. At best, this is a badly worded gaffe. At worst, it demonstrates a lack of commitment to organisational values and therefore calls into question the effectiveness of the aims of the organisation. 

Like it or not, if you are a leader, there are going to be times when you either communicate inadequately or simply make a wrong call. 

I’ve made many gaffes in my time, and the incident which springs to mind, happened only a few years ago.

I had worked hard with my team to foster a culture of inclusion and collaboration, making sure everyone was heard and had a say, where it was appropriate to do so. I also wanted to offer a service to our customers that was second to none, and the team was tasked to develop a strategy to do so. 

Ever an opportunist, while this process was going on I got the chance to sign the entire team up for accredited customer service training for peanuts, as the training provider had access to grant funding. After a pretty unscheduled demonstration I signed on the dotted line, thinking I had bagged a brilliant bargain and a great opportunity for my team. 

As soon as I made the announcement, I realised of course, I had made a tremendous gaffe. Notwithstanding the training and assignment time was completely in work-time, notwithstanding the team were going to get a recognised qualification, as well as learn the skills of brilliant customer service, all for a price which hardly made a dent in our ever pressed budget; I had violated at least three fundamental values, which I had been at pains to stress over the months I had worked with the team. The first one was simply to communicate with them, the second, to consult with them about major decisions which affected them and the third was to allow them to develop the overall customer service strategy, and take ownership of it. 

Thankfully they took me to task about my actions in no uncertain terms. I was within a hairsbreadth of losing their trust forever. I knew my intentions were good, but I also knew I had to do something honest and with integrity to make matters right. The following framework can be applied to most situations, although they may come in different orders depending on the impact of the gaffe. 

Admit you were wrong and apologise. I told them I was sorry, and honestly explained that in my enthusiasm to capture what I thought was an amazing opportunity, I had acted too quickly.

Set out your original intention. I wanted to be able to help my team develop exceptional customer service skills. I wasn’t expecting them to study or attend workshops outside of working hours. I also wanted to give them an externally recognisable qualification so it added to their bank of transferable skills. Most of the time, we do make decisions with the best of intentions, even if we haven’t thought through the entirety of our actions. Without being defensive, it is part of being honest to describe your reasons for making the decision. If well-intentioned then your reasoning is a valid factor. 

Get Feedback. It’s no good forging on and making good without really listening to what your team are saying. If you want to make things right, you cannot assume anything. When I first heard objections to the proposal for training, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that the team just didn’t want to commit. Luckily enough I had enough experience to realise this probably wasn’t the case. When I realised it was because they thought I had tread on their space and usurped their decision making powers, I could not but be grateful that the very values I had tried to introduce were alive and well. 

Understand Your Bottom Line. Sometimes good decisions are made in the wrong way, and the outcome is un-negotiable. At other times, there are some options, where some compromise can be made and then you can find a solution within those parameters. In some cases, you just have to put your hands up and ditch your decision. In this situation, having listened to team members, I gave them back their decision making power, and made entry onto the course optional; although it was understood we had to find a way to help those not undertaking the training to find a way to meet the aspirational standards we needed. As it happens every one undertook the training (and passed!). 

Make Amends. The customer service you remember is when the provider or supplier goes the extra mile. Things may go horribly wrong, but it is how the supplier deals with the situation that you remember best. It is the same with making a gaffe. It is how you subsequently deal with it which is at the heart of your redemption. As well as all of the above steps, in this case, I asked the team how they wanted to interact with me in the future, to make sure they were fully informed about potential developments and also that I consulted with them. I committed to this and made sure I followed up with my promise because I realised how tenuously close I had been in losing trust. 

No doubt it will become apparent what the intentions behind the “Lean In” situation are in reality. It may be decided to quietly withdraw the post and make no announcement. I sincerely hope though they follow the 5 steps above or take similar action to deal with their gaffe. 

You can purchase Christina’s book The 50 Biggest Mistakes, Brilliant Leaders and Managers Avoid, and What They Do Instead from the Kindle Store. 
Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great e.MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage). We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need. 

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.

People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”

By Christina Lattimer
Follow us on 
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A Strategic Approach To Success

There is no fool-proof way to make sure you succeed in everything you do. If you are a poker player, you will know that no matter how good the cards are; or how well you play them; there is always a chance that you will be “drawing dead”. For those of you who don’t play poker, the term “drawing dead” basically means you are holding a losing hand, but you don’t know it.

Although I’ve been successful on many occasions in my life, I’ve equally often been “drawing dead” on many occasions too. The whole point is that we can intend many outcomes, but more often than not, we simply don’t know how things are going to pan out.

The problem is our conscious minds are, at this stage in our evolution, pretty limited. Scientist Dr Bruce Lipton asserts that 95% of our mind is unconscious and it is this part of the mind which is largely in control. This explains why for example, we might intend to lose those extra pounds or save for that vacation, but no matter what our intention, we carry on with old habits and no change is made.

It can feel pretty scary to think we actually aren’t aware of what controls us. Although if you are prepared to learn and become self-aware it can actually be powerful, because all you have to do in theory is to become aware of those unconscious beliefs and recordings which are driving you and you can make those changes.

Sounds easy? Of course sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. What you have to do to tap into the unconscious mind is to ask the right questions and then be prepared to listen for the answer. In the meantime though we have to make decisions, take action and deal with life.

There are always going to be times when the cards don’t fall your way and things don’t happen the way you want them. There are times when the cards are all lined up and you win that particular hand. What I have learned over the years is a number of strategies which help me make the most of the hand I’ve been dealt and then play them in a winning way.

1. Be clear about the outcome you want and go for it

Having clear outcomes helps you feel purposeful and motivated. Outcomes don’t have to be mind-blowing, life-changing or long-term. Outcomes can range from, envisaging a peaceful loving meal with the family, or becoming a millionaire. The scope and timing doesn’t matter, what matters is you programme your mind to work towards something you want.

2. Let go of the outcome

Conversely you then need to let go of the outcome. Desperately wanting something to happen simply creates a negativity which just keeps your desires away from you. Also the reason things don’t work out could be for a number of reasons. For example if the peaceful loving meal erupts into world war three, then you might have to learn acceptance or how to help others navigate their own emotions. 

3. Develop strategies and stick to them

If you intend to have a loving peaceful meal with the family, but you know there is a risk that tempers may flare, or somehow conflict might arise, then if you have a strategy to help you deal with that possibility then you will not get exasperated, or frustrated or angry when your desired outcome isn’t being realised. You will find a way to navigate your way through. When I gave up smoking, I developed a strategy to avoid those situations when I knew my craving would be worst. I stuck with the strategy and eventually, I kicked the habit for good. It’s the same with some of your bigger outcomes. Develop strategies designed to achieve your outcome, which will help you deal with disappointment, cover risks and change course when it’s right to do so.

4. Face your worst fears

If you don’t face your worst fears, they will drive you. If you fear you might not achieve your outcome for some reason, then you need to root that fear out and deal with it. If you fear a different outcome, for example your partner might leave you, or you might end up broke, face it. It is only when you repress and stifle fears that your subconscious mind stores them up to trip you up!

5. Have a Plan B

Following on from facing your fears, is to have a “Plan B”. What are you going to do if the worst happens? If you don’t think you are going to be able to bear it, where will you get support? What will you do to get yourself back on track? What happens if your business folds, your job ends, you go broke? How can you put a contingency in place to deal with or help mitigate you realising your worst fears. Once you have done this and feel at peace with your contingency, then forget about it and focus on what you do want!

6. Be your own best friend

We can be our own worst critics. To increase your chances of success, you need to choose to be your own best friend, your own cheerleader and your soft place to fall. Being your best friend doesn’t mean you don’t let others in your life to be there for you, but given you know yourself best, it’s good to know you are on your own side!

7. Celebrate successes

Successes come in many forms and realising your desires is only one way you can feel successful. Some of my most successful outcomes came from adversity. Finding emotional resilience and better ways to deal with life, is actually a great success can often only be achieved through not getting what you want sometimes. 

Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great e.MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage). We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need.
 

How Leaders Can Compromise Trust and Credibility

It’s often a lonely place when leading. Although some leaders might find it easy, for others, making decisions can be a tough and lonely place filled with doubt and uncertainty. Whichever camp a leader stands in, there is one guarantee, the team will be making decisions about the credibility of the leader and whether they can trust them, by the decisions they make, how any changes are implemented and how they are communicated. In the following article I describe 3 ways a leader can create a divide in the team and develop a lack of trust and credibility. 

Inconveniently, I've always had a conscience for some reason. This is not a holier than thou admission, it is just telling it how it is. It doesn't mean I've always done the right thing, in fact I could fill this page with actions and reactions I've made over the years which make me positively cringe. What this meant for me for many years, was I would act in a way which logically was right, but I often walked around feeling bad. When I would react in anger or judgement or just downright selfishly, I always had a stab in my abdomen which told me (I thought), how bad I was. Certainly when I was younger I was often angry or judgemental so I felt pretty bad much of the time. As I grew, I realised that the stab in the abdomen was a warning that I was pretty much going to get myself into trouble, and that I was on the wrong track. It took me years to listen, but when I did, I realised inside me I had a brilliant guidance system which if I listened hard enough would help keep me out of trouble. I think I was lucky though born with a preference for intuition, even though my ego like an unruly rebellious child simply wanted to ignore it much of the time. What I learned when leading and managing teams was that my intuition was absolutely vital and valuable, when I chose to listen of course. There are a number of things my intuition told me as I led and managed others. The first one was to act with integrity. I strived to do this; tempted often to be expedient rather than act with integrity I mostly managed it, the gut always flashing that red warning light when I ignored this sound advice. The second was to value everyone equally, and be scrupulously fair in my dealings with others. This was a challenging call. Like everyone else, it’s easy to lean towards those who are like you and who make your life easier. It’s much more challenging to embrace those who aren't and who seem to give you endless headaches. The third I want to highlight is to live a life of contribution. Definitely the most challenging tasks my intuition kept hammering home to me. Although I was always pretty motivated at work (ok, some would say a workaholic), it was only up until a very few years ago I was driven by my own desire to do a good job, my main motivation being to demonstrate to and give my kids a better life. My kids are pretty much grown up now, so once I realised I had kind of achieved that goal, a mini depression set in because I had lost my purpose.  And of course, this was just the opportunity my intuition had been waiting for! The only way I was able to regain my sense of purpose was to start down the path of contribution. There are many lessons my intuition has taught me, and they have all been kindly and affirming. When I have ignored them my intuition just waits silently, not judging, not impatiently, simply waiting for the time when I was ready to listen. Its vital leaders get in touch with their intuition, because when they do, decision making doesn't come any easier, but it does have better results. I have found, through both bitter experience and observing others, many ways leaders destroy their credibility and lose the trust of their team. The following are for me the most prevent. These mistakes of course, are not limited to leaders and managers; they demonstrate the character of you as a person. So today, ask yourself if you are making these mistakes. If you are don’t worry, we are all do to an extent. But with awareness comes change. Don’t act with integrity There are many versions of integrity, and sometimes the components of integrity are difficult to articulate. But for me acting with integrity describes a number of forces at play. Some of them include acting in accordance with the values you lay claim to.  Understanding what others value and respecting them even if you don’t agree with them. Accepting others, being non-judgemental, discerning and being true to oneself. Being open to being wrong is always a key component of integrity! To act in true integrity can infer a heightened consciousness, or self-awareness. When leaders don’t act with integrity, then team members don’t feel safe. Don’t value others equally This is a hard one, because when someone is making life difficult it is hard to value them as much as someone who isn’t. We all make judgements even superficially. Our unconscious biases are always in play. The differences for leaders who consciously value others equally are the fact they are always questioning their decisions.One of the biggest problems I find with clients is in their desire to get rid of a difficult person they form an attitude about them as a person. This just gets in the way. The best way to deal with difficult people is to maintain respect for them as people, but deal with their behaviour. Just because you value people equally, doesn't mean you don’t deal decisively with unwanted behaviour. You are just kind when you do. When leaders don’t value others equally for being human, then even the most favoured employee will observe and note the unfairness, even if they aren't at the receiving end of it. Lack a contribution mind-set There is nothing wrong with a leader who is competitive, results orientated, commercially driven, or profits orientated. But if their drive isn't coupled with a genuine desire to make a meaningful difference; to help others; to contribute to the community, or to honour others, then no matter how successful, their credibility as a leader will  be diminished, even if only a little. Like it or not, our nature is to contribute. If a leader doesn't embrace that drive within us, then the team whether they are consciously aware of it or not, will hold back with their loyalty and commitment. So there are my 3 top ways that leaders and managers compromise the trust and credibility with their team.  What would you add? Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great e.MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage). We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need. Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles. People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The e.MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way” By Christina Lattimer Follow us on  Google+

Key Interpersonal Skills Successful Leaders Can Learn

The effectiveness or not or some leaders Interpersonal skills often seem to be intrinsically linked to their personality or character. I often wonder if it’s because people think these skills are an unchangeable character trait that they aren’t given the priority they should in organisations. A question I see again and again is: Are soft skills really hard skills? Less than effective personality, or character traits, of leaders, can be viewed as an irrevocable package deal, where changing is difficult, if not impossible, if the belief is that the leader was born with them and cannot be helped. Less than effective traits, are particularly damaging when they affect the leader or manager’s interpersonal skills. If an alien was coming from outer space, surely they would ask us why we put leaders and managers in positions of leading people when they don’t have well-honed interpersonal skills. Seems mad doesn’t it? But it is exactly what we do in many cases. Sometimes it’s because the leader was good at their specialism, or it’s because there’s been a re-organisation and there was nowhere else to go; or perhaps they’ve been in the position for a long time and it’s easier to do nothing, because of the old chestnut “that’s how we do things around here”. It’s not an ideal world and sometimes people are appointed into roles other than for the only reason they should be there, which is because they have all of the skills needed to do the job and therefore are able to make a difference. Recruiting or maintaining roles where leaders or managers don’t have the right interpersonal skills isn’t inherently wrong. Doing nothing about it though is simply neglectful. In Research reported by John Tierney in the New York Times in January, it was shown that generally people don’t believe they will change.  Apparently, much of this belief is adopted because of either a lack of vision of what the future might hold, or from an over-optimistic self-concept that they are the best they are right now. If your organisation has leaders who have character traits which limit their effectiveness, credibility or relationships at work, then perhaps the road less travelled, that soft (hard) skills route, is what is needed. In my own journey from junior manager many years ago, I have changed so much its scary. I look back at those early days and it’s hard to believe it’s the same life. What I did learn on the way though is that interpersonal skills can and should be developed and prioritised in any organisation. The most significant changes came for me when I learned and was able to use the following three interpersonal skills. These were hard lessons for me, and one’s which I had to learn because frankly my default position simply didn’t get the results I wanted, which was a happy, motivated and inspired team. 1.       Anticipating How People Might Feel. I see it all around me, and I still am guilty of lacking in this particular interpersonal skill sometimes. Awareness is no guarantee of change, you have to practice hard to change long formed habits. As leaders, we can be so busy getting things done, as people; we get so caught up in our own story that we forget the impact we are having on others, as parents, we are so busy protecting our children, we forget we can inadvertently invoke feelings of “wrongness”.    When we feel justified communicating with a lack of concern for others who are on the receiving end of what we say, we have lost this skill, when we react with anger to someone who has said something in all innocence, we have lost this skill. When we are fearful, impatient, annoyed, or just being thoughtless, we can communicate in a way which dishonours others. Although some of the characteristics of what we commonly call empathy are in play here, empathy tends to be responsive to others and how they feel already. This interpersonal skill is about our impact on others. 2.       Owning Your Own Truth We make all sorts of stories and assumptions in our minds about what we see out there. I remember a manager in my team, when describing a woman who was borderline in terms of her performance, said she was lazy. I asked him how he had come to that conclusion and he told me it was because she didn’t put as much effort in as others. Well factually that might have been true, but it didn’t necessarily follow that the employee was lazy. Recently, a teacher who didn’t know my son’s background concluded he was lazy because he hadn’t done the work he needed to do in a particular subject, she had drawn her own conclusion about him because she hadn’t actually asked him what the problem was. If the employee doesn’t come into work, is unhappy, doesn’t work hard enough, works 24/7 or always volunteers. We make judgments about them. “They don’t care”, “aren’t engaged”, or they are our “life-savers”, or “paragons of virtue”. The truth is, and the truth we need to own, is we are gathering information constantly, and when we interpret the information it becomes our next instalment. Owning your truth starts with saying. “I can see that this is/isn’t being done. Why is that?” or “I feel really angry, and I need to understand why I can’t deal with this poor performance in an emotionally free, assertive way”. 3.       Seeing through Multi-faceted Perceptions Everyone sees things differently. Even when you think you have reached the most watertight and consensual decision, there will be somewhere a slight difference in perception. Developing the skill of seeing things from many different perspectives can be powerful and effective. In order to do this easily, an understanding of personality types and the characteristics of each type is useful. Once you get good at this, the first two interpersonal skills mentioned above become clearer and difficult to avoid. The truth is, we never know what anyone else is thinking, their reasons for doing (or not doing) anything, what their preferences are, or why we might not agree. All we can do is try to see a situation from as many perspectives as possible. Of course De Bono’s “6 thinking hats” is a version of this although often the concept can be confined to the boardroom, when the skill is useful in most situations. Come find more about Leadership Development and our Great MILE Community (Motivate, Inspire, Lead and Engage).   We love connecting with like-minded people, and we want to help you either get your message out, or you can search the directory for the expertise you need.

Christina has managed people for twenty seven years and led hugely successful teams. She has worked with people at all levels in various organisations to help them achieve their potential, and she has been actively involved in the learning and development field in a number of different roles.

People Discovery is a Leadership Development coaching consultancy, based in North East England, working globally. The MILE Community is a networking, sharing and business directory for people who know “there must be a better way”

By Christina Lattimer

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